Flawed, Yet Still Worthy…
Today, broke me.
Mentally and emotionally. And if I wasn’t super solid in my understanding of God’s grace, i’d say today broke me spiritually too. It was just one of those days where everything was off. You know what I mean right?! You’re dropping and spilling everything first thing in the morning before you have even had your coffee. You’re stubbing your toe on the corner of your dresser. You’re using the restroom to find out there’s no toilet paper and no one to rescue you because everyone is still asleep at 6:30 am. Your day progresses and things seem to go from bad to worse. The deal you were hoping for falls through. You get into an explosive argument with your spouse in Walmart over bedding choices. (Just me?!) A close friend or family member says something to cut you down and you feel worthless. The list goes on and you just feel broken. That was my day; off and unbalanced.
We’ve all heard it before that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. Well today, those percentages swapped. I reacted to EVERYTHING. Oh you looked at me weird, sweet husband? Let’s duke it out. She is bragging on social media about her best life? I will NOT press that like button - not today Satan! You cut me off…Ok Mr. Mercedes…i’m going to pull up right beside you in my mom van and stare you DOWN at that red light. Kids, you’re talking back and fighting… here comes the raging yelling T-rex from Jurassic Park!
Passive aggression turns into solid aggression and soon nobody is safe within 2 feet of me. And you know what? I don’t even want to be around me either. And to top off the feelings of just being pissed at everyone and everything, now I have THE WORST mom guilt, wife guilt and feel like the world’s crappiest Christian.
You know why I love the bible, though? It is FILLED with people just like me. People just like you. One of my favorite people in the bible is Peter. He was a hot mess and reminds me so much of myself. He was so flawed in so many ways and screwed up ROYALLY on a few occasions. One of his particular screw ups is one that I find myself going back to often to bring me solace when i’ve totally blown it.
In case you are new to the bible, here is the back story.
Toward the end of Jesus’ life, right before he is about to be handed over and betrayed, Jesus predicts Peter’s denial of Him 3 times. He tells Peter that when things hit the fan, he is going to deny even knowing Jesus! Now the thing that stands out about Peter was his loyalty and love for Jesus. He was a reckless abandon for Christ and one of Jesus’ closest friends! So when Jesus tells him that before the rooster crows, Peter will have denied he even KNEW Jesus, 3 times. The story goes on and just as Jesus predicted, Peter is approached by a little girl who sniffs him out. Under the pressure, Peter folds and denies knowing Jesus at all. Three times. And then the rooster crows.
It goes on to say in Mark 14:72 “…Suddenly, Jesus’ words flashes through Peter’s mind.”
Can you imagine the level of “OMG, I just freaking blew it” Peter must have felt at that moment when he remembered Jesus’ words flash through his mind? Peter had a calling on his life and a mission he was excited about carrying out. He was Jesus’ ride or die and right-hand-man! He blew it and must have felt like a complete failure of a friend, Christian and human. We know that because it says that he broke down weeping bitterly and isolated himself for days after. Can you relate? I know I can. A lot of times, I am Peter. Here is the good news for us, though. There is HOPE in chapter 16.
At this point, Jesus had died and darkness took over the sky. On Sunday (Easter Sunday) a couple of women go to the tomb to tend to the body but find the tombstone rolled away with no corpse to be found! An angel appears to them telling them not to be afraid and that the Lord had risen from the grave!
This next part has become my anchor and life message. This is for you, when you feel like you have blown it in life…
Mark 16: 7 “Now GO tell his disciples, INCLUDING PETER, that Jesus is going ahead of you to Galilee. You will see him there, just as he told you before he died.”
Did you catch that? INCLUDING PETER! Remember, Peter had been isolating, probably depressed and questioning is purpose and if God still loved him at this point. It’s been at least a few days since he denied Christ and i’m sure like any normal human was probably thinking that he screwed up way too big to be used by God. But here we see in this passage how God keeps wooing, keeps pursuing and keeps calling us DESPITE our failures. Yeah, he (we) screwed up. But Jesus called him back despite the epic fail. Peter went on after that to radically change the world and lead many to salvation.
So girl, you may have had a rough day and not shown up in a way you are proud of. Or maybe you are dealing with things, choices or regrets that are far worse than losing your crap on the kids.
Listen to me right now, sis. JESUS IS STILL CALLING. HE STILL CHOOSES YOU. HE LOVES YOU.
No matter what you’ve done or haven’t done, you still have a purpose and he still is crazy about you.
I’ve been Peter too; flawed yet still worthy.